For Today's Parents: How to Have Polite and well Behaved Children

To Today's Parents:
Six Tools To Have More Polite and Better Behaved Children

Your goal to amend your child's attitude and behavior is a worthy one. At this stage it may
Appear to be a hopeless task. But, the fact is that all humans respond to actions that affect them.
Children are no different. They will consistently move in the direction that serves their perceived self-interest
And away from experiences that confine their ability to get what they want.

You are doing the most valuable job (parenting) you'll ever do during your lifetime. The parenting window
Of opportunity to mold self-reliant and reliable young adults closes rapidly. You may be running out of time.
Your child will grow into a young adult before you know it.

How you teach your children now can have repercussions for a lifetime and for generations to come.

Don't blame yourself for ineffective parenting. Blaming yourself or others is neither a positive nor a
Constructive emotion. Blame solves nothing.

Yelling, screaming, even grabbing a child is a natural "emotional" response to abusive, defiant and
Disrespectful behaviors that you may be experiencing from your child. Nevertheless, these type of
Responses need to be eliminated from your parenting tool kit because they are an ineffective means
To gain compliance and raise well adjusted children.

The way you handle your children now, while they are in their formative stages, will eventually become
The way they treat themselves as adults.

If you constantly critique your child, she will never feel she is good enough for anything. Children
Who've constantly been criticized grow up to be adults who tend to criticize themselves and others
And hate themselves because they feel imperfect. This formula of constant criticizing is a sure-fire
Way to raise a child who becomes a depressed and insecure adult. Instead, seek out and identify
Positive behavior and talents to praise every chance you get.

Words and phrases like "you are so stupid", "don't be an idiot", "shut up", "how can you be so clumsy?"
And comparisons that put down one child by comparing him to another undermine a child's belief in his
Self worth and competence.

If you are stingy with praise or withhold praise altogether your child will reach adulthood with an
Inability to accept and give praise. In all probability your child will probably feel deep down that
They are unworthy of praise and will be unable to accept praise graciously from others.

Your style of parenting was most likely passed along to you based on what you experienced from
Your own parents. And, your parents simply passed down what they learned from their parents.
However, we are not living in the 1950's or the 1930's. Today's children are being raised in a far
Different environment. You need to take responsibility to learn parenting that is effective for today's
Childrennot those children from the past.

Remember: Excuses Are Not Solutions
By taking responsibility to improve your parenting techniques you will enjoy being a parent and
Have a peaceful and harmonious home life. But, most important, your child will grow up to become
A happy and responsible young adult.
Parenting styles are passed on from generation to generation. By becoming a great parent you will
Be passing on a legacy of good parenting to generations to come.

Core Concepts
You will attain best results when:
1. You clearly define your expectations to your children.
2. You assist them in setting and achieving goals.
3. You assist them in finding appropriate alternative responses to misbehavior.
4. Your child participates in defining consequences and rewards.
5. You consistently enforce consequences for "misguided" behavior and reward good behavior.

When you keep these core concepts in mind you allow your child to take responsibility and "own"
Their behavior and the outcome of their behavior, good or bad.

The most difficult phase is simply getting started. As a parent the chances are good that you'll need
To make a few changes to your parenting style. You will find that even just a few changes in your demeanor,
The words that you use or maybe simply how you greet your child after school can have a big effect.
You'll begin to see positive changes in your child only by changing your own behavior.
You cannot expect to see a different outcome - well-adjusted children- by continuing to do what
Hasn't been working for you in the past.

During moments of stress you may find yourself slipping back into your old ineffective parenting roles.
Every time you don't follow the action plan you risk reversing the positive changes that have begun to take place.
Inconsistency is the enemy of effective parenting.

That is why negotiating with your child after an episode of bad behavior or "bargaining" for good behavior is
One of the most ineffective (damaging) parenting techniques.

The Negotiator Style of parenting sends kids a message that it works to charm, cajole, argue or intimidate
Their way out of "messes" they have created by their actions. DO NOT NEGOTIATE.

The only time it is appropriate to negotiate with your child is at the beginning when you are defining misbehavior,
Consequences for misbehavior and rewards for compliance.

The good news is that effective parenting is easily learned. By consistently following this action plan the process of
Change will rapidly become a habit. You'll quickly recall exactly what to say and exactly what actions to take automatically
And with very little effort.